"There are really just two types of people; those who say I CAN'T & those who say I CAN." -John Tesh

Lately, I've been hearing really encouraging words from people all around me. We aren't always fortunate to have so many inspiring words surrounding us. I know that to be very true from past experiences, as a gymnast I always had coaches, team mates, class mates & so many random people telling me what I could and couldn't do. And more often it seemed, I was told what I could not do.

At 10 years old, I had some teammates ask me what my dream was. Naturally, it was to become an Olympic gymnast. They scoffed at me, telling me I was too old. At 10 years of age, I was already being told that I was too old... Harsh words at such a tender time in one's life. On my twelth birthday, I cried. I cried because I knew I was too old to ever become an Olympic gymnast and if I couldn't be an Olympic gymnast, I didn't want to become anything. Without gymnastics I thought I had nothing.

Gymnastics is a funny sport. The head honcho of women's gymnastics, Martha Karolyi, has more or less chosen out her gymnast's for the Olympic team by the time they are 12 years old. A gymnast may get to be a part of what's called the "TOPS" program. However, you cannot be in that program beyond the age of 11 or 12. This program, more or less, is the determining factor of which gymnast will have a shot at the Olympics. During the 2004 Olympic games, more than half of the girls on the women's Olympic team had been in TOPS as children. There were 3 who had not been in the program; one had already been an elite before the program had started, one was from another country and there was only one who did not have a legitimate excuse, other than the fact that she went elite at 12 years of age...Thus, I had good reason to believe that my dream was no longer in reach. At 12 years old, I had already seen a dream fall out of my grasp. Not many girls my age had such an experience and realizing it was too late to capture that dream taught me many harsh lessons. I grew up extremely fast because of gymnastics.

The sport itself is unbelievably addictive. Any hardcore competitive gymnast will say similar things about the sport. Statements such as, "I could never get enough," "I wanted to train every single day," & '"if I don't do well here (in competition), the world is over."'[1] It's a brutal sport on the mind, body and spirit. It is a beautiful gift and likewise, a terrible burden.

Even after being out of the gym, I find it sometimes difficult to remind myself that I'm really not all that old. I'm still a young-un. I still struggle with eating disorder(s) that are leftover from the judgements from people inside the gymnastics arena. I had coaches who "suggested" weight loss and "encouraged" it. In the gym, I was always "fat", even at my thinnest. Outside of the gym, I am quite average. It's still hard to remember that I am healthy and in good shape because in the gymnastics arena, I was never fit or ever "good enough".

I have started surrounding myself with content and positive people who only say "can". I haven't heard the word "can't" for a long time. The word itself isn't something that I should avoid. After-all, some of the most successful people were the ones that were told "can't" over and over again.

As seen in this youtube video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-Y8om2kBic&list=PL16B9BE65D6E73B31

But it's something that hurts me when I hear it. Sometimes it breaks me down and sometimes, it makes me stronger. At this point in time, I don't mind not having to hear negativity from disbelievers. I am just as motivated by believers, especially being in a new field of sport(s).

So this was a randomized blog, but thought I should post something and this at least gives you an idea of where I'm coming from. :)